Sometimes the will to live one more day is an act of courage….

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Did you really want to die?”
“No one commits suicide because they want to die.”
“Then why do they do it?”
“Because they want to stop the pain.

Chase was my daughter’s ex husband and father to his only child my granddaughter. Chase’s easy-going humble personality made him easy to like..He had a tough life growing up, his father was in prison. It is difficult for any young man or woman who has to grow up without a fathers care and guidance.

Chase suffered from depression and like many who do, dealt with alcohol and drug addiction. There were periods when Chase was better evidenced by this email he sent to a family member

Thank you for the email. Thank you for understanding my struggles and hurt. I really didnt think you were able to understand my level of lost and emptiness but i see now that you do. Im still carrying the weight of my childhood on my back plus all my failures as a teen, father, husband plus alot more. Im not trying to burden you with my b.s. im just trying to figure out how to be that christian man. Im tired of running tired of hiding. Im not even sure what im hiding from….

On Friday August 31st one of Chases friends called 911 to advise them they were afraid he was suicidal.

When the EMT’s and law enforcement arrived Chase would not answer the door. The officers entered the apartment, moments later Chase was dead.

No one outside if the police officers know what took place in that apartment. It is a tragedy however it happened. But the real tragedy is not how he died but that Chase was in that circumstance to begin with.

Hopelessness. I read Chases email and I see the words struggles, pain, lost, empty, weight, failures. Most of us have dealt with some or all of these. But when I read “from my childhood”, I am reminded once again of the importance of being a father that is present and leading a child in the way they should go.

When I first met Chase I learned his dad was in prison. I don’t know how long he had been there but I sensed the pain in Chase from not having a relationship with his dad. I encouraged him to reach out to his dad I don’t know if he ever did

Mental health treatment has come a long way in treating our emotional pain. But the benefit in having a relationship with our earthly and heavenly Father can prevents us from ever traveling to or being in the place where Chase found himself.

As I read the words “im just trying to figure out how to be that christian man. Im tired of running tired of hiding. Im not even sure what im hiding from….”, my heart breaks and I know God’s heart does to. It is a tragedy that Chase never found that place of forgiveness, rest, peace and hope.

The only happy ending to this story is the hope that Chase has found in death what he could not find in life. Please pray for his little one and his family and friends.

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